Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
