I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
