What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize