my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
