Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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