my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
