the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
