our cab driver is having phone sex.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
