btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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