Your face is a jimmy john
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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