I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
