If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
