Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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