I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
