Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
