i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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