I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize