A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
