I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
