I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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