This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
