We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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