If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
