I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
