Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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