You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
