Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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