At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
