he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
