Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
