My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
