please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
