i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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