why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
