i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
handjob tips. give me some.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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