My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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