Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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