1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
