just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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