this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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