Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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