that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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