So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
