We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
