i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize