If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
