I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
