clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
