i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
