Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
