You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
