I skipped work to stalk him.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize