Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
