I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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