We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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