Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
