I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
