What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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