I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
