you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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