you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
