i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
