I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
im six kinds of drunk right now
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
