Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
