barbara walters just said penis...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
