I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
