not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
