Nicole vs. Life
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
