ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
birth control should be required to get into college
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
