after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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